We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
