I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
