ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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