Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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