just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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