This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dear god my vagina.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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