Your face is a jimmy john
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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