We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
