I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
