I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
