Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
