I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
