Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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