Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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