So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
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what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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