I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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