It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
