That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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