Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
