I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
