Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
