After last night, I could never be a politician.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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