How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
