you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
