Someone shit on the floor
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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