i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
