Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
