the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
