i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
