A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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