He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
