Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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