Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How naked do you want me to be?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
