You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
