she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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