I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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