if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
