Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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