High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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