fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
