she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
