and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize