My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
