The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
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Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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