I hate your face
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
