I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
