The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
