Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
