I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
