The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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