I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She swung at the pinata with crutches
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
