i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
