Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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