if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
