I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
