not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
