how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
