Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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