pop tarts are not kleenex
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i drank out of a bidet.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
