Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Walk of Shame today included voting.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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