im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize