The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
