she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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