If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
