is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The air taste purple.
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