just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
