his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
